The Loss And Love Of My Undead Life
by Stella2312
Summary: As a newborn vampire, Gaby is faced with difficulty since day one. Her best friend in the entire world is gone, and the beast she has become is responsible. The girl who obsessed over vampires now has the world of Twilight turned into hers.
1. The Beginning Of The End

I do not own Twilight, all credit goes to Stephanie Meyer. However all original characters are mine.

Big thanks to my best friend for helping me edit this thing. Yes her real name is Nina and mine is Gaby.

I know this chapter is really short but don't worry they'll get longer!!!

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**Chapter 1**

"Why?!" That was my first word in my new life. I had practically screamed it and I'm surprised the whole neighborhood didn't wake up.

3 nights ago I was having a camp-out with my best friend in the woods at a campground near her house. Her name is Nina and she is truly my best friend. She's more like the sister I never had. I've known her all my life; she's only 2 months older than me.

Anyway, during this camp-out we were giggling, creating silly videos, telling scary stories, and even making a couple of prank phone calls. All of a sudden we heard a noise. It was a loud growl that pierced the silence of night. That made my heart race and my eyes bug out with fear. Nina was frightened too. Both of us just sat there in the tent, like idiots, and waited to see what would happen next.

I could tell something, or someone, was circling. Like in the pattern of some animal.

"If I didn't know any better," I whispered to Nina, "I'd say this was a vampire attack. No joke Nina. I know Twilight and I know how a vampire hunts." She never had an interest to read Twilight. She didn't want to get into the madness and her parents didn't want her to either. Talk about irony.

"Can't be. It just can't be. They don't exist Gaby they just don't! It's gotta be some animal," she replied, her voice breaking on the last word.

"Ssssshhh!!!" I clasped my hand over her mouth. "Nina that didn't sound like an animal before. Worse, it sounded like a vampire."

She stared at me with wide eyes, "No way!"

I nodded my head. "Nina, I know you know this already but, if we die tonight I want you to know that you are my best friend, my soul-sister."

"Same for me. You are my soul-sister," she paused. "Gaby, what if we live?"

"Then we take this secret to the grave," I replied.

That's the last time we spoke to each other. I could hear the creature was finally ready to attack; it growled for the second time then charged at the tent. Nina screamed but I didn't. I was frozen with fear. I'm surprised my heart didn't fly out of my chest.

Before I knew it the tent was being torn to shreds. Then he appeared. His body was stunning. He was wearing torn, faded jeans and no shirt. His hair was messy and jet black. His eyes - crimson. He just stood there for a moment observing us - observing his prey.

Tears started streaming down both mine and Nina's face. Our hearts were working double time. The vampire then crouched and charged at Nina first. Since I was the one with a heart condition it made sense; Nina had a normal heart.

"No!" I screamed louder than I ever had in my life. The vampire took pleasure in my outburst and turned away from Nina to attack me.

He immediately went for the jugular. I screamed almost as loud as I had the first time. Then he did something I had not expected. He spit my blood out. Maybe there was something wrong with my blood. Maybe he was just picky. My heart was almost normal. It was still human B+ blood that ran through my veins. But I guess he detected that my blood was not pure.

He was so disgusted that he stood up in the desecrated tent and left.

At that moment I didn't have much strength. Nina's body laid next to me unmoving. I knew we had to get out of this area. Way too open. The next day was supposed to be sunny. Winter was finally ending in New York. Just my luck.

The pain was excruciating. Especially while trying to drag both of our bodies to the nearest dumpster; which was 2 camp sites away.

When I finally reached the dumpster I lifted Nina into it first. Then I got in and just waited out the change; almost destroying the dumpster in the process. I knew my life would never be the same.


	2. My Angel In Disguise

I do not own Twilight, all credit goes to Stephanie Meyer. However all original characters are mine.

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**Chapter 2**

When I woke up every one of my senses was heightened. My vision was perfect, my hearing acute, everything I touched was sensitive but in the right way. Although I was not eating anything the smell of the dumpster was so strong I could almost taste it as well.

I was suddenly aware of what happened last night. Oh no, it would be 3 nights ago. Damn him. Damn that damn vampire for ruining my life. If I ever see him again I'll destroy him and have a good time doing it.

Wait. Where's Nina? I rolled over and noticed her body next to me. I gasped. "Why?!" That was my first word in my new life. I had practically screamed it and I'm surprised the whole neighborhood didn't wake up. "Oh dear g-d." Her body was stained with blood.

I sat up and my throat started to burn. Although her heartbeat was non-existent I wanted to drink the blood that was left.

"No! No! I can't! I just can't!" I flipped the top open to the dumpster and jumped out. No one was around. It was Wednesday, duh. Everyone was at work and school. Well that's good; no one to kill today.

I started running, and I realized I was fast. I had never been this fast before and it felt amazing. The wind through my hair and the feel of the earth under my feet felt really good.

The trees were still bare because of winter and it was just beautiful out. My skin had an iridescent glow to it because of the sunlight peering through the clouds. _Soooo pretty_. Better than the movie. Oh poor Summit Entertainment; never to know this beauty was just sad. How _do _I look anyway? My face is probably _way _different. Never to see my own face, my real face, again pained me.

I really did want to see how I looked so I listened for water. I stopped for a second to assess where the closest river was. To the.....left! I ran that way until I reached the river.

My reflection was stunning. My acne had disappeared, my lips had thinned out, and my nose looked perfect. My elbows, which used to be disgusting, were smooth and normal looking. Well, normal for vampire elbows. My body looked relatively the same, except paler. And my eyes.....my dark brown eyes were replaced with shocking red.

"Twilight," I breathed. Twilight is real. I fell down to my knees, and I knew if vampires could weep I would be balling.

So vampires are real. Are the Cullens? The werewolves? The Volturi? Oh g-d if the Volturi are real I'm never leaving this damn country. I'd rather die at the hands of any other vampire then be tortured by those rotten souls. Although they did make it to America in Breaking Dawn. "Ugh I'll never be safe."

"Oh I don't know about that," a voice from behind soothed.

I gasped. Where did she come from?

"I'm not going to hurt you. Why would I? I just smelled that you were here. I've been alone for quite some time now and I'd enjoy a companion."

She spoke beautifully, and almost musically. She looked about 16, had gorgeous platinum blonde hair, a flawless body, and sweet honey colored eyes. Of course she was a vampire why else would she be talking to me? With my clothes being as bloody as they are and my eyes so red any human would've turned and ran away. I wasn't sure what to say to her. I felt too intimidated.

"Oh my, your thirsty aren't you? Newborn I assume. Any other would've ditched the bloody clothes."

"Uh um yea. There was a vampire that attacked me and my best friend. He killed her, bit me, and spit my blood out for some strange reason." I wanted to cry again; no tears came and they never would.

"Oh, poor dear," she sat down with me and rubbed my back. "It's hard in the beginning I know. You'll learn to control yourself. Um-have you killed anyone yet?"

"No, I ran for a while then found the river here. I don't think I could live with myself if I killed people."

"I totally know what you mean. Oh how rude of me, my name is Heather. What's your name?"

"I'm Gaby but I'd rather you call me Stella. I've always thought of it as a better name for myself."

"Stella," she muttered, "I like that name. Come on Stella," she pulled me up by the hand, "let's go hunt." She gave a wide grin, revealing her perfect, white smile. "You'll have a good time I promise." She kissed my forehead and we were off.


	3. First Hunt And New Home

Twilight belongs to Stephanie Meyer. Seventeen magazine belongs to whoever publishes it. Wicked Lovely & accompanying sequel Ink Exchange belong to Melissa Marr. However all original characters are mine.

I apologize for chapter 2. None of you noticed it but I wrote something about not wanting to wake up the neighborhood and it was already daytime. Yeah....my bad w/e I hope ya'll can forgive me. Anyway here's chapter 3. Chapter 4 will most likely be up next weekend (depending on how many reviews and I get between now and then).

Enjoy!

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**Chapter 3**

We ran and ran and ran and ran. Trees blurring by at a million miles an hour. When we finally stopped we were in some sort of clearing.

"Uh Heather, where are we?" I asked.

"We're in a good hunting spot. Humans usually don't come through here and it's the middle of the day, so none should," she explained.

"So what do I do?"

She gave a light, musical laugh. "Close your eyes. Listen to the world around you. Find the closest heartbeat. Your instincts will guide you from there."

I did as I was told. When I closed my eyes my hearing sharpened even more. I could hear Heather breathing evenly next to me.

I also heard birds and other little woodland creatures around me; I couldn't care less about them though. Then I heard him. There was a big elk no more than 500 ft. away.

The beast inside consumed me. All I wanted now was the elk's blood. I darted after him. I didn't care that I kept running into foliage. Like it would puncture or rough up my skin anyway. The elk, sensing that he was being followed, tried to run from me. _Resistance is futile_, I thought. Closing in on him his heartbeat sped up. I licked my lips with thirst. Then I pounced. I bit him right on the neck and started draining the blood from his body.

When I was through I stood up and backed away from the dead animal. There was a fresh coat of blood on my shirt.

"Oh lovely," I said sarcastically.

"You did great!" Heather exclaimed from coming up from behind me. "Oh my, we should really fetch you some new clothes."

"I'll say."

Heather giggled again. "Come on let's go to my house."

"Oh, alright. Do you live in town?"

"No silly, too dangerous. I'm only 10 years into this life. It's still quite hard for me to be around humans."

"Okay. So like where do you live?"

"Oh, not too far. Take my hand, doll. I'll lead the way."

I held her hand. She started leading me through the brush again. I ran into a spider web at one point. No fear. Odd, as a human I was extremely arachnophobic. As a vampire I guess we don't have much to fear but each other; or at least the ones with special gifts.

She started to slow us down now. We stopped at a cottage on the edge of a cliff.

"Cute," I said.

"Thanks," Heather said smiling. "Wait 'till you see the inside."

She opened the door and we walked through the threshold.

It was so pretty. Quite feminine. The walls were painted a pale pink. There were wild flowers on the coffee table, a long white couch, two large bookcases, and a TV in the living room. The kitchen didn't have anything in it, of course. Her bedroom was on the other side of the kitchen and next to that was a small bathroom. It was the vision of a young girl. I guess she wanted to hold on to her youth.

"Do you like it?" Heather asked, interrupting my observations.

"It's young, but I like it. I like it a lot," I responded with a wide grin.

"I'm glad. I wanna go into town to buy you some new clothes. Maybe a dog too. I can control myself enough to get you what you need."

"A dog?"

"Yea. The biggest one I can get from the pet store. It won't be much but at least it might help you be a little less thirsty."

"I just hunted, didn't I?!"

"Well yea, but I know when _I _was a newborn I was always thirsty."

"Okay."

"Let me get a towel from the bathroom so you can sit on the couch."

She darted to the bathroom. I had only blinked once and then she was back into view. She put a black towel over the couch and onto the seat vertically. I sat down on the towel.

"There," she said. "That should be good. Watch some TV, relax, take a bubble bath if you want. I'll be back in a little while." She was heading for the door now.

"Heather?"

"Yes Stella?"

"Thank you; I really don't deserve all this."

"Baby, you do. When I found you by the river I could tell – I could tell you deserved some bliss in your life. I've waited a long while for someone nice to come around. Something feels right about being with you." She walked over, gracefully, to me. She bent down, careful not to touch my bloody clothes, and gave me a brief kiss on my lips.

"I'll see you in a little while." With that she was out the door.

I sighed and turned the TV on. Flipping through the channels I was getting more and more bored with every click. After a half hour I turned the TV off and walked over to the bookcases. I looked at the one on the left first. Neither bookcase was organized in the least. There were encyclopedias, magazines, novels of all kinds, a large dictionary, then wedged between a summer issue of 'Seventeen' and Melissa Marr's 'Wicked Lovely' was a diary.

I know I probably shouldn't have even picked it up, but my curiosity was just too powerful. The diary was dark purple and had the words 'My Diary' written in white on it. I turned to the first page and it said 'Those who read this beware. Deal with the consequences of the knowledge of which you are about to read.' I took a deep breath and turned to the next page. Hopefully she'll forgive me later.


	4. Heather's Diary

It's been 2 years since I've updated this story...omg what is wrong with me? Sorry to keep you all waiting! May I present...Chapter 4 of The Loss & Love of my Undead Life.

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Heather's POV

April 28, 1999

Dear Diary,

A few nights ago Mom got drunk again for just about the thousandth time. Can you believe it? She got wasted on my 16th birthday! Not only that, but she smacked the shit out of me again. I mean, at least during midterms it made sense! That night, it was just "You're worth shit, Heather," and then a smack to the face! I had taken time to clean off, but I realized that I was sick of it all. So, I ran off.

I had heard about a rave going down by the docks, so I threw on my best party-wear and headed over. When I got there, the entire room was wild. Music blaring, colors everywhere. I love raves a lot, mostly because I've taken dance lessons ever since I was a kid. It was a form of escape to me in that bat shit crazy home of mine.

Being a lesbian, it's hard to find girls to get with anywhere but a rave. Gotta pick the drunkest, prettiest girls to make out with.

Something was odd that night, though. It's hazy, but I remember the people at the rave being, well, extra gorgeous. Their dancing was pretty dirty and raves can get pretty dirty in themselves.

I only had drunk one beer that night, and I was just standing around observing what was going on rather than dancing. Some chick that seemed to be about the same age as me noticed me staring at her, so she came over to me. Then she started grinding next to me. I was totally into it.

After a little while, I wanted to go outside to get some air. The other girl followed after me, and a minute later, we started making out. The mysterious girl wasn't being very careful, and she ended up biting my lip really hard. She bit a hole in it!

The blood was everywhere, and I thought I was going to die. As soon as my skin was punctured, the two of us were swarmed by practically everyone who was at the rave. I remember the girl saying something like "Get back! Get back! All of you stay away!"

She had lifted me up, and she ran away with my suddenly aching and convulsing body in her arms.

-Heather

* * *

April 29, 1999

Dear Diary,

So it's been 5 days since I transformed. I can tell I am no longer human but I'm not sure what I _**am**_ exactly.

She left me. The girl I met at the rave left me. She stayed with me for three days as I transformed, just to get me through it. As my heart finally stopped beating on the third day she whispered "I must leave you now. Perhaps we'll meet again some day." I wish she had at least told me her name. Instead I am left forever clueless as to whoever made me this way.

The mysterious girl left me in the middle of nowhere. I couldn't even tell if I was still in Vermont. I started to walk around to get a feel for my surroundings and suddenly my throat started to burn. I smelled them before I saw them and I just couldn't control myself. I charged towards the aroma that I smelled without thinking. Instinct took over; there was nothing I could do. Little did I know that day that I'd be committing one of the most well known murders in Canadian history. Turns out I _brutally_ ambushed, killed, and drained all of the blood out of the son of a Canadian dignitary and his friends that were out for a hike.

I thought my life was bad before; with a dad that left when I was a baby and a mom that drank constantly but I murdered 5 people…how does a person live with that? Psycho people I guess.

I suppose I really can't blame myself though. I didn't know what I was doing till it was over. I was so scared, yet I felt empowered. Drinking those boys' blood did something to me; it made me feel strong. I ran from the scene. I'm sure Canadian police will be tracking me for a while but they'll never find me. I'm faster than them – faster than I've ever been.

I ran across the Canadian border – all the way to Washington State. I wanted to get as far away from my old life as possible. However, I still wanted to live in the U.S. I like America, why would I want to live anywhere else?

Living this new life though as…what exactly am I? I have to find out what I am now. I just have to.

-Heather

* * *

May 1, 1999

Dear Diary,

I was able to find a library to sneak into after hours last night to research what had happened to me. I decided to start in fantasy/mythology. That's where my heart told me to go. I mean – I knew I wasn't human anymore. I grabbed a bunch of books, sat down at a desk, and turned on the lamp. I first opened An Encyclopedia of Mythological Creatures. Naturally, I went in alphabetical order. Elves, Fairies, Ogres, none of them seemed to fit. Eventually I got to the V's and read the description of Vampire.

_"__Seemingly__ harmless __and__ eye__ appealing __the __immortal __creature __uses __these __attributes __to __lure__ in__ their __prey.__ Vampires __hunt __the__ living__ and __drink __blood __for __sustenance._

_Things a__ vampire__ cannot __stand-_

_*Garlic_

_*Sunlight_

_*The cross_

_They also cannot see their own reflection, as they have no soul._

_A vampire can be killed by driving a wooden stake through their lifeless heart or luring them out into the sun. The sun burns vampires and turns them to dust._

_If a vampire bites a human, and for some odd reason doesn't kill the human, the human will turn into a vampire in three days time."_

I guess that's what happened to me. The mystery girl, well _vampire _mystery girl, that did this to me stayed with me for three days while I transformed and then left me. I guess I'm somewhat lucky that she stayed with me for that long.

At least the part about vampires burning in the sun is untrue. I would've been dead by now. Well dead dead, I mean. The opposite kind of happened to me. My skin was shimmering in direct sunlight. It looked really pretty; like nothing I've never seen before. As for the rest of the information I have to believe it's true until proven otherwise. A vampire. I've been turned into a freaking monster.

-Heather

* * *

May 2, 1999

Dear Diary,

I killed again, and this time I enjoyed it. Nobody important, just a couple of bums that were trying to rob me. They probably would have raped me too if they had the chance. Bastards. I'm glad I killed them.

Maybe I am a monster now- just some common beast. The power that overcame my body as tore them to pieces was unbelievable. I've never felt anything like that, not even after that first time I killed. It felt incredible.

-Heather

Stella's POV

_She enjoyed killing people? But the other day when I told her I couldn't live with myself if I killed someone she said she felt the same way…I don't get it. This makes no sense._

I noticed there was more from that same week so I read on.

* * *

Heather's POV

May 3, 1999

Dear Diary,

Today after resting for a few hours I realized the seriousness of what I did yesterday. The men I killed may have been bums but they were still human lives. I wanted to break down and cry but the tears didn't come. It became very clear to me that there was only one thing I could do. I went to a gardening store and bought a wooden stake. My plan was to try and kill myself the way the books taught me to kill vampires, by driving a wooden stake through the beast's heart.

Unfortunately that's another myth about my kind. When I tried to do the deed the stake went right through my body. My immense strength pushed it all the way through my chest without killing me (obviously). It did hurt like hell though. So now I was on my living room floor dripping blood and I wasn't sure what to do. I couldn't go to hospital…I'd wind up killing everyone there. So I just laid down on the floor and waited to see what would happen. Believe it or not in a few hours time the whole in my chest closed itself.

So today I learned two things: that 1, vampires are truly immortal and 2, I'm going to have to live with the fact that I knowingly killed two people for the rest of my immortal life.

-Heather

Stella's POV

"Oh my god. She tried to kill herself. Ugh why am I still reading this? She is going to be so mad at me!"

And yet I couldn't stop. Her story was so fascinating.

* * *

Heather's POV

May 4, 1999

Dear Diary,

I remembered this morning that the books about vampires said they feed on the blood of the living. Nothing in the books said vampires specifically fed on the blood of humans. I was so excited that maybe there was an alternate way to live this life. So I went out into the woods to see if my theory was correct.

I just started by smelling. There are so many scents in the woods but instinct told me I would be able to find _something_ to eat. I heard an animal from behind. I turned around and started running. I wound up stopping short about 200 feet from it. Standing in front of me was a doe drinking from the river. I crouched down and walked over to it quietly. But it heard me when I was just 10 feet away from it because I stepped on a twig. I charged after it and in no time was sinking my teeth into its neck. Its blood wasn't as good as any of the humans' blood I've drunk but it did the job. I can now live this life without killing another human. This is the happiest I've been in a long time.

-Heather

* * *

May 5, 1999

Dear Diary,

Every day is a new adventure. After feeding again this morning I went into town just to get a change of scenery. I went and did some shopping. I went into a music shop and a clothing store. In that clothing store I met a girl. She's a pretty, young thing. Lovely hourglass shaped body with chocolate brown hair and eyes to match. I did the whole routine where I asked her to try on something cute for my 'sister.' Lucky for me I have great gaydar, so I knew she'd be responsive. Her name is Michelle and we're going to dinner tonight so I'll write soon to say how it goes.

-Heather

* * *

May 19, 1999

Dear Diary,

It's been 2 weeks since I met Michelle and I think I'm falling for her. The way she looks down and blushes when she's embarrassed makes _me_nervous because I can sense and see the blood rushing to her cheeks but at the same time I find it incredibly adorable. I havn't told her I'm not human yet and I don't plan to anytime soon. I don't think I can really tell anyone; it would freak people out. We talk about everything: Our favorite movies, fashion, our hopes and dreams, classic girl stuff. I'll make it work if she winds up being the one I end up with…I think she could be, I really do. I'll have to tell her sometime. Jeez my head is spinning. I think I really am in love.

-Heather

Stella's POV

"She fell in love with a human? How did she make that work?"

* * *

Heather's POV

May 20, 1999

Dear Diary,

Today we had a romantic picnic and fed each other. The human food didn't really appeal to me but I did it for her. I told her "Michelle, I think I love you." She was silent for a moment, kissed me, and then said "I love you too Heather." This week couldn't get any better.

-Heather

* * *

May 21, 1999

Dear Diary,

Today I convinced Michelle to take a sick day. We hung out and watched movies in bed all day. It was quiet but peaceful and relaxing. She fell asleep in my arms. It felt so nice to just be still with her like that. My love for her overpowered my intense need to drink her blood. I really love her. I hope to be with her the rest of my eternal life.

-Heather

* * *

May 27, 1999

Dear Diary,

Not much has happened this week due to Michelle having to work so much (I think she's saving up money to spend on our dates). But last night I took her out to a nice restaurant. We shared something chocolaty for dessert. I wish I could have enjoyed it more…

-Heather

* * *

June 1, 1999

Dear Diary,

Today Michelle and I couldn't get together because she had to work then have dinner with her parents. She called me tonight though and we were talking for a few hours. I really love her. I hope she likes my gift that I'm giving her tomorrow for our 1-month anniversary.

-Heather

* * *

June 2, 1999

Dear Diary,

I don't know how to put my feelings into words. Just yesterday I was on Cloud 9, now…now I crashed back down to Earth.

I- I killed Michelle. For our 1-month anniversary we went for a fancy dinner and after we went back to my house to exchange gifts. She opened my gift to her first. Well, she tried to. She wound up cutting her finger on the packaging. There wasn't much blood but enough to send me into a frenzy. I should've hunted this morning but I was too busy thinking about Michelle and the evening ahead.

I should've been better prepared…I should've- I don't know…I should've done something.

I am the saddest I've ever been. I don't know how I'm going to get past this. Now I really wish I was dead.

-Heather

* * *

June 6, 1999

Dear Diary,

Yesterday I stayed in her house. I just wanted to feel like she was still here with me.

Her funeral was today. No one in her family has met me yet so I just was there in quiet respect. I miss her. I didn't know her long but I wish she were still here with me.

-Heather

Stella's POV

"Oh my god. I can't believe she killed Michelle. Oh, poor Heather!"

* * *

Heather's POV

July 15, 1999

Dear Diary,

It's been a long time since I've written. More than a month now. I moved to New Jersey. Sure I'll have to go out less but I needed to leave Washington. Everything reminded me of her. Will I ever love again? I don't know if I can. Not like I loved her.

-Heather

* * *

Stella's POV

"Hmm there's only a few more entries but it's hard to read. Huh, let's see…

"STELLA!" Heather walked through the door with a leashed St. Bernard in one hand and shopping bag of clothes in the other.

"I– I Heather I can explain."

"Stella," she said through clenched teeth, "I think you should leave…now."

Without saying another word I sped out the door into the woods wishing once again that I could let my sorrow out with tears but they still wouldn't come. They would never come, ever again.


End file.
